Tuesday, August 16, 2011

When Good Pies Go Bad

NEWNAN, GEORGIA - An unidentified local woman is being held in the county jail without bond following what police called a bizarre weekend incident involving a strawberry pie.

Neighbors called in their concern after seeing large amounts of an oozing red substance seeping from the house. The woman, whom neighbors would identify only as "Angela," at first refused to allow police in her home and claimed to be making a pie for her internet "blog." "It was supposed to be Hess's Strawberry Pie," the woman wailed. "That stupid glaze wouldn't firm up, and I was trying to save my pie!"

The woman claimed this was her seventh attempt to make this famous department store's pie and said she had spent more than $200 on strawberries alone thus far. When she realized the latest recipe wasn't working either, she tried to disguise the overflowing glaze by piping heavy whipping cream onto the sides of the pie, but the booming sound of it falling off is what first alerted neighbors to trouble inside the house.

"Apparently the little lady didn't realize it's called 'heavy' whipping cream for a reason," said Sgt. I.M. Pillsbury, who was in charge of the investigation. "By the time we got there, the entire kitchen and dining room were a total disaster. Red glaze was everywhere. I had grown men looking at that scene and crying. In fact, we're calling in grief counselors for a couple of 'em."

Investigators said it appeared the woman tried to cover up her tracks by even removing the pie at one point, but the damage had already been done. "The perpetrator claimed she sliced that pie only once," said Sgt. Pillsbury, "but crime scene evidence suggests otherwise." He said the woman was led away to a police vehicle shouting something about how this pie was costing her $37.19 per serving and she had to get it right so she could share it with some supposed blog readers. The woman is currently scheduled to undergo psychiatric evaluation.

Funeral arrangements for the pie have not yet been announced.

20 comments:

Kiffer said...

Really cute story.The pie looks yummy.

Laura said...

Haha! Started my morning off with a laugh! Thank you! mmm...pie. :)

Phyllis said...

Oh my goodness, Angela! What an
expensive dilemma! ;-) I love your
sense of humor laced with frustration in your creative
writing style today! The pie photo looked beautiful, even if the
filling refused to set. Did they
fail to provide the right amount of
cornstarch -- typo maybe??? You
definitely deserve a trophy for persistance.

Cynda P said...

Can I post your bond? Do you need a good lawyer? I've got friends at Dewey, Cheatham and Howe. Just say the word!

parTea lady said...

I could send over my two grandsons to make short work of the evidence. Like I always tell myself - oh well, it'll still taste good. ;-)

Linda J. said...

My solution to this problem would have been to eat it all myself and not leave any evidence.

You are a woman of many talents, Angela!!

Gerri said...

I enjoyed your story--- I couldn't help but think it looked remarkably like the pie from Hess's that I remember-- I especially loved the Hess's box background. At the risk of encouraging an already broke, somewhat crazy lady, I'd like to say it looks too close to stop now!
I bet it is/ was delicious. If I lived nearby, I would be over to taste it!

Darlene - The Tea Enthusiast's Scrapbook said...

Hi Angela,

LOL! You need to start writing your own line of tea mystery books!

Blessings, Darlene

my cup of tea said...

HaHa GREAT story! I can relate! LOL
~Donna~

amherstrose said...

Certainly a relatable "offense".
Loved your take on the "bad pie".

Hmmmm. . . perhaps you could have tampered with the evidence.
Put it in a bowl and it would be just a trifle. =;)

(Maybe try a new box of cornstarch?
If it is left open or has absorbed too much moisture, it may not be as effective at thickening the glaze.)

Will be waiting to hear about the next installment of "The Strawberry Pie Chronicles".

Mary Jane

Traveling Bells said...

Poor thang...stuff happens!

Steph said...

:-) Very well done!

Rosemary said...

Fun story... simply need some ice cream to add to your expense... and pour the strawberry glaze over top complete with whipped cream. I wouldn't have any problem helping you eat the evidence!

Anonymous said...

Oh what a delicious sounding experiment, Angela! You're such a great writer, you really had me laughing. I bet your story would have impressed Paula Deen, 'anything, in the line of duty to save a Pie!' You deserve an award, to be sure! Have a great day, Joanie

Lisa Leggett said...

I'll be right over, and I'll even bring my own fork, we'll get rid of the evidence!

As the saying goes... "A good friend will hold your hand and tell you it'll be ok, a great friend shows up with a shovel (or in this case a fork), asks no questions, and will help bury the body(or in this case pie)."

Ginger said...

Sorry your pie didn't turn out as planned. Thanks for the laugh.

Lavender Cottage said...

Hmm, guess we all have this type of disaster at least once in a lifetime. Puts me in mind of the cake I was making for dessert years ago and it was in a bundt pan.
Cooling off upside down instead of coming out in one piece this one plopped down in many pieces. Grandmothers are very imaginative so I iced it the best I could, put it outside on a table, told the 3 grands to get their bathing suits on and at the count of 3, have a free for all to eat the cake with bare hands! We still laugh about that day.
At least the pie looks yummy but I would have given up after the 2nd try.
Judith

Marilyn said...

Too funny! Isn't it frustrating when things just go awry? I hope it still tasted good.

Anonymous said...

That would be one time a Crime scene investigation would be sweet! Loved the whole story!!!! :D
Glad to know other kitchens become under investigation for food homicides heehee!
Happy Eating!
Karyl

ChaChaneen said...

That was just hilarious!