When Good Pies Go Bad

NEWNAN, GEORGIA - An unidentified local woman is being held in the county jail without bond following what police called a bizarre weekend incident involving a strawberry pie.

Neighbors called in their concern after seeing large amounts of an oozing red substance seeping from the house. The woman, whom neighbors would identify only as "Angela," at first refused to allow police in her home and claimed to be making a pie for her internet "blog." "It was supposed to be Hess's Strawberry Pie," the woman wailed. "That stupid glaze wouldn't firm up, and I was trying to save my pie!"

The woman claimed this was her seventh attempt to make this famous department store's pie and said she had spent more than $200 on strawberries alone thus far. When she realized the latest recipe wasn't working either, she tried to disguise the overflowing glaze by piping heavy whipping cream onto the sides of the pie, but the booming sound of it falling off is what first alerted neighbors to trouble inside the house.

"Apparently the little lady didn't realize it's called 'heavy' whipping cream for a reason," said Sgt. I.M. Pillsbury, who was in charge of the investigation. "By the time we got there, the entire kitchen and dining room were a total disaster. Red glaze was everywhere. I had grown men looking at that scene and crying. In fact, we're calling in grief counselors for a couple of 'em."

Investigators said it appeared the woman tried to cover up her tracks by even removing the pie at one point, but the damage had already been done. "The perpetrator claimed she sliced that pie only once," said Sgt. Pillsbury, "but crime scene evidence suggests otherwise." He said the woman was led away to a police vehicle shouting something about how this pie was costing her $37.19 per serving and she had to get it right so she could share it with some supposed blog readers. The woman is currently scheduled to undergo psychiatric evaluation.

Funeral arrangements for the pie have not yet been announced.